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Sizing Up the Meeting
Stephen Colbert was not particularly impressed by the results of President Trump’s negotiations with Kim Jong-un, the North Korean leader. At the end of the meeting, the two heads of state signed a noncommittal joint statement.
“The two countries also committed ‘to hold follow-on negotiations.’ So, the result of this meeting was to agree to another meeting. It’s not exactly a nothing-burger — it’s more like a bun that says, ‘We agree bilaterally to the potential future placement of meat somewhere in the toasted zone.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert scoffed at how Trump heaped praise on Kim throughout their time in Singapore. Trump had told a reporter that he was impressed by how Kim had stepped into his father’s role as leader of North Korea at just 26.
“You don’t give dictators points for being young! That’s like saying, ‘You know, Vlad the Impaler became ruler at age 20. Nobody talks about that. Everyone gets all hung up on the impaling part, not how young he was. He was the Mozart of sticking wood through people!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Trevor Noah issued a gentle apology and a note of congratulations.
“We’ve all got to admit that we were wrong. We said the man couldn’t do it, we said his temper would blow up the summit — but yesterday he proved everyone wrong and turned the nuclear summit in Singapore into a huge win for himself. So let’s swallow our pride and give it up for a leader who’s much smarter than we thought: Kim Jong-un, everybody!” — TREVOR NOAH
Kim Is ‘Absolutely’ Invited to White House
The other hosts also tried to make sense out of the budding camaraderie between Trump and Kim.
“The two leaders did seem to hit it off. In fact, Trump liked Kim so much, he’s said he’s going to let him decide the next presidential election. Makes a nice change.” — JAMES CORDEN
“President Trump said Kim Jong-un is ‘absolutely’ invited to the White House. Unless, of course, Kim Jong-un wins the Super Bowl or the N.B.A. championship.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Of course, some people are questioning the meeting. One reporter asked, ‘How can you meet with someone with such a bad human rights record?’ Trump was like, ‘Sorry, is that question for me or Kim?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Uber Edition)
“According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. It’s true, the new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you’ve made any typos. Now, look, let’s take the mystery out of this, Uber: It’s 2 a.m., I’m standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I’m drunk.” — JAMES CORDEN
“In New York City yesterday, an Uber driver kicked a lesbian couple out of his car after they kissed. Well, the real story here is that Mike Pence drives for Uber! I had no idea.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
The Bits Worth Watching
“Kim Yum Yum?”
Wherein Diddy judges a rap battle between Ashton Kutcher and James Corden.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Last month, a talk show was pitched to CNN and MSNBC that would star Michael Avenatti, the lawyer suing Trump on behalf of a pornographic film actress, and Anthony Scaramucci, the president’s short-lived communications director. They’ve been quiet on that ever since. On Wednesday, they will sit down together with Colbert on “The Late Show.”
Maybe there’s a better way to find leading roles for women in Hollywood than simply doing female-led reboots of old movies that used to star men, our critic Amanda Hess says.